I felt a nudge this morning to share my recent challenge with lung cancer.
Back in late January 2021, I went to my PCP after developing a nagging dry cough after starting Lisinopril 8 months prior, during the first months of COVID. I concluded that it was a Lisinopril cough. My PCP agreed with me, changed me to olmesartan, and, just to rule out Valley Fever (I live in AZ,) ordered a CXR. My cough went away with the new med in a few weeks. In the meantime, my routine CXR in February 2021 showed a 1.4 cm suspicious nodule at the apex of my right lung. I’ve never smoked. No smoker in my home. No family history of lung cancer. Long story short, by the end of April, the biopsy confirmed NSCLC adenocarcinoma Stage 1.
I had a right upper lobe lobectomy deemed a “curative surgery” this May. I am taking targeted therapy now with the idea it will decrease any recurrence. I feel almost back to my pre-surgical days.
What was this all about? Why? What purpose does this trial serve? I’m not sure, but I know the Lord is providential and sovereign. I know He is on my side. Always. Was I worried and anxious? Yes, but as I’ve always done, I immediately turned to Him. Whenever I feel anxious or worried, I ask Him to help me believe and trust in His plan, His sovereignty. He honors what faith we have, whether it is just a smidge or an abundance.
My faith walk has been “from faith to faith, from grace to grace” all these years through medical school, residency, marriage, motherhood, full-time practice in EM. He has been faithful to mold me trial by trial to be more Christ-like.
As I was praying that first Sunday after my biopsy resulted, the Lord gave me a wonderful vision, clear as day.
I saw myself as a hippity-hoppity lamb running around with the other lambs near Jesus as He walked amongst the herd through an expansive green pasture with His rod and staff in His hand. But, as we approached the ominous dark valley, I saw myself naturally going right up to, next to Him wide-eyed and worried. I looked up at Jesus.
He was smiling at me.
I immediately felt a profound sense of peace and assurance. I felt deeply that even though I didn’t know what will happen in my future, I felt so sure that I can trust Him! He knows exactly what the pasture beyond the Valley of the Shadow of Death is like. He is going to be right beside me the whole way there, through the darkness. I’ve replayed in my mind’s eyes that imagery over and over again whenever anxiety and fear tried to sneak in over the past 5 months.
My buddy said to me today, “you have a really strong faith.” The Lord grew and nurtured my faith through strategically placed challenges in my life from my younger days to now. He embedded my understanding of His sovereignty and providence deeper and deeper in my soul with each trial. By the time I reached this challenge, I reacted instinctively with faith. I reacted by turning my heart and mind to Him. I believe He honors our faith and our reliance on Him. I have prayed throughout this challenge that His will be done and not mine. I can’t say I’ve always had that attitude. I absolutely have my own plans. But, I am convinced that His will and His plans are better than mine.
So, I’m sharing to encourage your walk with our merciful and mighty Father. Always go to Him. Because, ultimately, our only hope truly is our Lord, the Rock of Ages, the God of Jacob, Abraham and Isaac, the God who parted the Red Sea, and the God who raised Jesus from the dead. The God of the universe has a beautiful master plan and we are all a part of it.
I’m in my my 30th year of EM practice having completed my residency at Maricopa Medical Center in 1992. I am the “OG” according to my staff! It has not been easy. But, by the grace and the patient tender-loving care of my Lord, He has sustained me through my many trials and challenges of life, and continues to sustain me every day, every shift. God bless you all. I hope my testimony points your heart and soul toward Jesus.
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Doctoring, Mothering, and Faith 